I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
