dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
