remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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