Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
