No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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