These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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