What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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