By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
