Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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