Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
