Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
