Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
