You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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