I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I will pee on everything he values.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
