FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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