quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
