I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
