Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just threw up on my dentist
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
