I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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