I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
