Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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