Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
