Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
