pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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