girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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