my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
