Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
