The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
