Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
