I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
