Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
