you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
