i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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