a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
