Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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