You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
