I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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