My sheets look like a crime scene.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
