Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
