woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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