eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
