I molested 6 butterflies tonight
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
