I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
