I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
