i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
