the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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