I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
