i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
