so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
