You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
