She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
