His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
