the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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