I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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