dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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