Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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