And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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