Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
